I hope that you are all enjoying the Facebook group. I know I am. It can be really emotional at times for me, but this outpouring of love really does boost my spirits. How could it not??? Again, I can't comment on every single post, but I do read them all. So thank you so much for the messages. And please keep them coming. I have these intense moments where I feel so isolated by this diagnosis... Like no one could ever understand. Like there's me, and then there's everyone else... But these messages fold me right back into a safer place (emotionally speaking). So one last time, thank you.
For those of you who don't know, Corey and I are in Phoenix. With the help of many, I was whisked away more than a week ago to come down here. My dad and Corey joined me. We've spent the majority of our time with a fantastic group of Naturopathic doctors. If you're interested in googling, I'm seeing Dr. Rubin at the Naturopathic Specialists clinic. I was introduced to Dr. Rubin by a Vancouver based doctor who I'll refer to as Dr. H. She's the best. She came to see me when I was coming out of sedation after having my portacath put in at VGH. I woke up and there was this beautiful blonde woman standing next to Corey. She grabbed my hand, told me she had gone over my entire case and said "There's so much we can do. There's so much so much we can do for you. And we're going to start by getting you down to Phoenix. How's this Friday sound to you?" Awesome!
So for the last week I have been tested and tested and tested again. We are going to get to the bottom of this. The idea being that if we can find exactly what it is that I'm deficient in or make too much of, then we can fix the problem with nutrition and supplements that will help chemo be more effective and also help keep me healthy during my treatments. And it's not just nutrition and supplements. I'm also participating in something called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It's basically a way to let go of all the negative emotions surrounding this ordeal, and gaining back control by tapping different points in your body. Some of the stuff I'm doing down here, I may have at one point thought of as rather foo-foo, but now I'm ALL IN!! As my friend Nadia just posted in the group, healing comes in all kind of forms, and I need to heal. There's nothing I will turn down at this point.
We're not just down here to see naturopaths either. Dr H has got me seeing other oncologists down here who are leaders in their field. In fact, tomorrow we are heading to the Mayo clinic. Dr H is also looking into getting another opinion from Johns Hopkins. So basically we are leaving no stone unturned.
What I'm dealing with most these days is being intensely emotional. This has been the longest I've ever been apart from Lyla. Not having her with me when I feel like my days are numbered is honestly too hard to bare. I'm always having to distract myself. It's as though I have whiplash... On one side, the orthodox medical community, the one I grew up trusting and believing in my whole life, keeps telling me I have 6 months to 2 years. On the other side, the new folks I've just met are telling me that there's so much we can do. That it's not necessarily over. Im trying so hard to hand over my faith to them... But it's a lifetime worth of thinking that I have to undo here... And without Lyla around, it's so much easier to fall to pieces. When she's with me I can be strong for her. Without having to turn into "strong mommy for my daughter" I can turn into a bit of a mess. Giving someone a death sentence truly is a cruel and unusual punishment...
Dr H says that the people who are the most successful at beating the odds are those who manage to turn their cancer into a gift. The goal is to somehow find out why this was meant for me... What I'm meant to get out of this...I'm still searching. For the time being though, I am absolutely thrilled about this years walk/run for the cure! There are so many people signed up! I'd really like to have both Ashlyn's Angels teams meet up before the race so we can all walk together. Thank you so much to everyone who is participating or has donated to one of the teams. If this isn't your cup of tea, stay
tuned because we have a few fundraising events coming up and there's going to be some awesome stuff to be won/incredible times to be had.
Well that's it for now. I've got to head to bed so I'll be rested for tomorrow's full day of treatmentsn and trip to the Mayo. Wish us luck!